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THE TWELVE FLATHEADSEdit

As every student of history knows, the Twelve Flatheads were the greater part of the Thirteen Significant Accomplishments of King Mumberthrax the Insignificant.1

In the immortal words of Boswell Barwell, the royal biographer:

Mumberthax's place in history was secured by the one thing at which the Flatheads tended to excel: procreation. He sired twelve amazing children; twelve offspring who would transform the kingdom. As these magnificent siblings grew in notoriety, as their cast achievements became legendary, they became known as the Twelve Flatheads.2

In 783 GUE, the coronation of Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive, Mumberthrax's firstborn, began at Flatheadia. This calendar, brought to you under the auspices of the Flatheadia Chamber of Commerce and the Frobozz Magic Calendar Company, celebrates the centennial of that memorable occasion.

Reproduced for this calendar are Leonardo Flathead's famous portraits of the Twelve Flatheads.3 Leonardo brilliantly captured the varied personalities of the siblings on canvas over a span of seventeen years, starting with his own self-portrait in 766 GUE (see Jelly) and finishing with his Coronation Portrait of King Dimwit in 783 GUE (see Estuary).

We are grateful for permission to reprint the accompanying excerpts from Boswell Barwell's exhaustive biography, "The Lives of the Twelve Flatheads."4


Encyclopedia Frobozzica: Appendix AEdit

The CalendarEdit

A year in the world of the Great Underground Empire typically has 365 days. This period is divided into twelve months. Each month has two different names, and a specific number of days in it, as is seen in this list.


Estuary

January

31

Frobuary5

February

286

Arch

March

31

Oracle

April

30

Mage

May

31

Jam

June

30

Jelly

July

31

Augur

August

31

Suspendur

September

30

Ottobur

October

31

Mumberbur

November

30

Dismembur

December

31


It is believed that the breakdown of the year into these months might be, in some vague way, related to the lunar cycle, but since the size, shape, and position of the moon is so wildly unpredictable, it is useless to speculate. However, we can with (only a little) more certainty state that the month names on the left were names for a specific Quendorian dialect, whereas the names on the right are the names commonly used by the populous. The Estuary through Dismembur system is found on only royal publications such as the Flathead Calendar, whereas the diaries of those less noble, carefully studied for historical reference, bear the January through December system.

In any case, the average month has a little over four weeks in it. Each week has seven days, known as:

Sand Day

Mud Day

Grues Day

Wands Day

Birthday

Frob Day

Star Day


Two of these day names have stories behind them. Frob Day is actually a traderune of the Frobozz Magic Day Company, and Birthday, before the fall of the Empire was the official observation of Dimwit Flathead's birthday. Even after his death Dimwit was excessive, still having his birthday celebrated every week. Dimwit's Birthday is one of the special holidays that occurs throughout the year. These are the chief holidays and the dates on which they take place:


Entharion Day

Estuary 1st

Undergroundhog's Day

Frobuary 3rd

St. Balhu's Day

Arch 11th

St. Foobus' Day

Oracle 4th

Coronation Day

Oracle 22nd

Mage Day

Mage 1st

St. Honko's Day

Mage 31st

Filfre Day

Jelly 4th

St. Quakko's Day (maybe)

Jelly 25th

St. Bovus' Day

Augur 6th

Leisure Day

Suspendur 4th

St. Wiskus' Day

Ottobur 6th

Veterinarian's Day

Mumberbur 11th

Curse Day

Mumberbur 14th


Today's system of numbering years started with the first year of Entharion's reign as king of Quendor, which marked the start of recorded history. However, legends and ancient tales lead his-torians to believe that highly advanced settlements existed on both sides of the Great Sea around the fifth or sixth century Before Entharion (BE), and that humanity began to make its mark on the land as long as two millennia ago.


FootnotesEdit

  1. The thirteenth accomplishment was a decree that made Double Fanucci the National Sport of Quendor. Legends say that Double Fanucci was invented by Zilbo III, the last king of the Entharion Dynasty. Double Fanucci Championships had been an annual event since 691 GUE, and Mumberthrax's Proclamation of 757 simply gave the sport official royal approval.
  2. From the introduction to "The Lives of the Twelve Flatheads."
  3. The originals can be seen in the gallery at Flatheadia Castle. Acknowledgement is gratefully made to Winifred Booblort of the Flatheadia Castle Preservation Society for her invaluable help.
  4. Copied right in 804 GUE by the Frobozz Magic Biography Publishing Company.
  5. Frobuary was originally called Fidooshiary until it was purchased by the Frobozz Magic Month Company in 817 GUE.
  6. 35 days for Antharian Leap Week.

External LinksEdit

The Flathead Calendar

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