Ralph Waldo Flathead, D.I.P., D.E.E., D.O.O. (737–789) was son of King Mumberthrax and one of the Twelve Flatheads.
He spent 11 years at Antharia University collecting 3 doctorates (Doctor of Idyllic Poetry, Doctor of Excellent Elegies, Doctor of Octameter Odes) and other degrees,
Shortly after finishing college, he wrote a series of long essays, like "On the Benefits of Keeping Ears Clean", "Why Doorknobs are Necessary" and "On the Discoloration of Roadside Slush" (whose manuscript was lost before its publication, and Ralph Waldo was disconsolate for years) hoping to uplift the human spirit. Nonetheless the profits of the Frobozz Magic Writing Paper Company soared.
He spent about 5 years in the Granola Mines of Antharia where he wrote an epic of 60000 verses about the varieties of moss in granola mines, his longest work.
Ralph Waldo demonstrated perfectly the unspoken Flathead motto 'quantity over quality" with his 912 novels, 4000 short stories, 87180 sonnets and an uncountable amount of essays.
He was found dead in 789 GUE after an overdose of avocados, a result of the Curse of Megaboz. By his deathbed his 4 last sonnets were found that display his tendency to explore related themes: "Ode to a Tiny Moist Avocado Pit", "Ode to Another Tiny Moist Avocado Pit", "Ode to Two Tiny Moist Avocado Pits", "Ode to Two Still-Tiny-But-Less-Moist Avocado Pits".
Trivia[]
- Ralph Waldo is named after American essayist, lecturer, philosopher, abolitionist, and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson.